What Do Your Macaulay Culkin Meals Look Like?

This time of year I seem to be constantly invited out to eat. End of year celebrations, wedding parties, birthday blowouts, promotion windfalls, and simple run of the mill debauchery abound as weather turns frosty and night falls early.

Sometimes people who don't know me well are surprised by my willingness to hit a dessert buffet hard or have that one glass of booze too many.

"Aren't you that, uh, Peak Fit Guy?"

(Between swilling beer) "Peak Condition Project! Yeah baby! Want to sign up!?"

"I thought you couldn't drink and eat all this stuff..."

"You can't! Cheers!"

Anyone who sticks around long enough will eventually get the What is True Peak Condition? lecture from me. It goes something like this.

Being in Peak Condition is not just a matter of having a six-pack (which I discuss here) or looking good to the opposite sex. It means being physically and mentally fit. If your mind is screwed up there's not much use in having an awesome body. No one will want to be around you anyway. So you need to keep it real. Not having a glass of champagne at a friends wedding because it'll throw your diet off is not Peak Condition. It's obsessive. Having your body fat so low that you can't leave the house without 6 layers of clothes on on a spring day is not Peak Condition. You've taken it too far. This guy on the right is not in Peak Condition. This guy is unbalanced and fanatic.

There's a time and a place for rich foods, strong brews, and lusty wenches (ok, I threw that one in to make sure I've got your attention). Celebrating with friends, marking the passing of the year with feasts and special foods, these are important parts of the human experience. Constantly saying no to these indulgences will make you both very fit, and very lonely.

So how do I manage to have a great time going out to eat and keep the level of condition that my clients and I expect of myself?

The first and most obvious thing, is to keep your indulgences reasonable. If you're going out to eat and drinking the night away more than once or twice a month, you're not indulging, you're binging. This will zap your fitness goals pretty quick.

Second and more subtle is what I want to talk about today. This is your Macaulay Culkin meal. Remember in Home Alone, when Macaulay Culkin realizes he has the house all to himself. Left to feed himself, he first goes a little crazy with the popcorn, chips, ice-cream and marshmallows :But after a few days he settles on more "healthy" food like a microwaveable macaroni and cheese dinner:

(Note that a bag of chips and macaroni and cheese are exactly the same thing; a clump of processed carbs and salt with artificial flavor and color)

When you're all by yourself, in the comfort of your own home, what do you eat? Is it light, fresh, and made from natural ingredients? If so, you're probably doing ok with your health and fitness goals, despite a few over-enthusiastic evenings on the town from time to time.

But if your Macaulay Culkin meal resembles what he eats in the movie, processed, instant, packaged, or delivered food, you're in for some trouble. Unless you're a big time restaurant-goer, your home alone meals will make up the bulk of your caloric intake for the week. If those calories consist of junk (and by junk I mean anything that comes from a factory), your body will never look like you want it to. There's a time for heavy, non-helpful food and drinks. Special occasions. They shouldn't be part of your daily at home rotation of food.

What do my Macaulay Culkin meals look like? Well, they're pretty boring. Lots of steamed vegetables, not much salt. Some fish or egg whites for protein, and light on the carbs. No desserts. No calorie laden drinks. Fruit inbetween meals.

And a lot of the same food, over and over. If you ate with me on a daily basis, you'd probably get bored pretty quickly. I don't mind eating the same meal 5 times a week, if it's a simple and nourishing dish that's in-season. This is certainly not the kind of food that I'd cook for guests who came over for dinner. It's roughly cut, the ingredients are nearly raw, and it's way more vegetables than a normal person eats in a sitting. But that's the point. No one has to eat this but me. I'm home alone. And I love these meals. They make me feel good and help me do all the things I want to do in a day.

Be honest with yourself, and assess what you're eating when no one's looking. If you're not satisfied with your condition, it's a good bet that the problem is starting in these solo meals, not the more glamorous nights at the pub or bistro.

Get your home alone meals clean and your exercise right, and your body will have no problem dealing with the caloric overload that comes from the special events in the year. Events you need to be a part of if you're going for true Peak Condition.

Left to your own devices, are you going to eat smart? Or are you going to eat like an 8 year old in a big empty house?

Eddie and Ken

Let us imagine two people have contacted me to start getting into shape and finally conquer their fitness goals. (I'll use males for my example but the following is all applicable to both genders.)

Contestant #1 is a totally clueless shlub, let's call him Eddie Eatsalot. He works in the software industry and has never even thought about exercise before, much less done it. (He is a level 80 Paladin on WoW however). As he's gotten older he's noticing that every year he feels worse and worse, and his waistline is getting bigger and bigger, and he doesn't want to end up like his dad who had a heart-attack at 45. Eddie wants to do something about his situation, but doesn't know where to start. So he contacts me.

Contestant #2 is a different story. Ken Keeno has always been interested in health. He's been a member of swing dance, futsal, and rock climbing clubs. He's got a gym membership he uses a few times a month. Ken's in pretty good shape, but he's carrying some extra pounds around his middle and wants to really get to that "peak" we talk about in the Peak Condition Project. Ready for a new challenge so he gets in touch.

Now, the question is, who will get better results?

There are always exceptions, but I'd put my money on Eddie. It seems counter-intuitve, but the guy starting from "0" (or perhaps -1) will usually have amazing changes, while the guy who has a much larger knowledge base about health won't see the same effect. Hard to believe, but I've seen this play out time and time again.

Let's try to break down what's going on here.

The biggest difference between Eddie and Ken is that Eddie comes to me a clean slate. He doesn't know what the South Beach Diet is, he's never done a curl in his life, and he has absolutely no idea about how to take care of himself. For me, these are all very positive things. It means that Eddie has to trust me. And it means that he won't start improvising halfway through his project.

Ken, on the other hand, is a much bigger challenge. For everything I tell him, he's heard a different variation from someone else. He's done every exercise under the sun and knows that even though we recommend the hands to be put here during sit-ups, he had a trainer who told them to put them there. When the going gets tough, as it does about Day 45, Ken will start to wriggle around, adjusting things here and there. Not to get too mafia, but the guy knows too much.

Why is knowing too much a detriment to your health goals?

Here's a little secret about your body. It will respond to most any well thought out diet and fitness plan, if that plan is kept consistently. It doesn't really matter if you do Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers, PX90 or the PCP.

I say this till I'm blue in the face; your body is a harmonic wave pattern that only responds to patterns. Doing Atkins for a month is not a pattern. It's a fling. And your body will bounce right back to its original harmonic as soon as the fling is over. If you want to truly change, you've got to change your frequency. This means new diet patterns, new exercise habits, and a whole new way of thinking.The answer is not in this or that plan, it's in the consistency with which you do it. And someone like Ken, who bounces from plan to plan every few months, will have a confused and out-of-whack body that, just as it gets going with one technique, is forced to switch to another. The new patterns are never allowed to set. When your plan is mushy and undefined, your body will look, well, mushy and undefined.

Another way to think about it, which I lifted from a lecture from Pema Chodron, is thinking of good health as being the top of a mountain (she was using enlightenment as the top). What do you do when you want to summit a mountain?

First, you look at the different routes. The north face is exciting and dangerous, the east path is long and winding, the south is steep but quick. They all have their pros and cons, but you finally make your choice.

Finally, it's time to climb the damn thing. Somewhere along your path you might catch a glimpse of the other trails. In your weary state, they might look more inviting. But if you keep switching routes everytime you encounter another path, guess what? You'll be going around in circles at the base of the mountain. Climbing a mountain is about choosing a trail and sticking with it, even through the tough moments. Eating right, losing fat and gaining muscle is no different.

The thing you have to ask yourself is, does the route you've chosen match your lifestyle? Is it sustainable? Will walking the path you've chosen be an exercise in denial and self-loathing, or will it reveal new vistas as you clear the cloud-line? I like to think our plan has a good balance of discipline and reward, approachability and hard-coreness, and it works for the people who trust it and follow through with it. But maybe it's not for you. That's fine, keep exploring your options. But when you're ready to go for the top, stick to whatever path you've chosen and trudge onwards and upwards. Don't kid yourself, it is a trudge. And there are no shortcuts.

Now, maybe you're a Ken Keeno reading this and thinking, "Damn, he just called me out, I guess I better not even bother with this guy." That's not true. I like you Ken! I've got a lot of Ken in myself, actually. I read everything I can get my hands on about health, and I try all kinds of stuff during my "off-season". Knowledge is always a good thing. But when it's time to train I find my inner Eddie. And the results keep coming.

I'll leave you with this well worn Zen story to sit with:

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meija Era(1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!"

"Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"

No Free Lunch

I was talking to an older friend of mine a few weeks ago, and she excitedly told me that she and her daughter had both chipped in half for a top of the line, brand new, wait for it... electric chair!

Huh?

After a few moments of confusion, I figured out that she was talking about some kind of therapy chair that surrounds your body in an electric current. I asked her exactly how it helped the body, and she rattled off something about the electric current improving circulation and relieving pain. Here's what an electric therapy chair looks like.
So they've got that eyesore in the middle of their living room now. Afraid to hear the answer, I asked her how much she paid for it.

"1300 dollars."

"1300 dollars. That is not cheap."

"Plus my daughters half of course."

"Wha? that thing is 2600 dollars!? Jesus H. Christ! Do you really think that's going to work?"

"Of course, why else would it be so expensive."

"..."

This is not a post about sham electrical therapy, although I'd love to tackle that sometime (along with magnetic bracelets, reiki, homeopathy, and a few hundred others).

No, this is about one of the immutable laws of the universe.

This can be expressed in a number of ways. Some call it the first law of thermodynamics (energy can neither be created or destroyed), but I prefer the simpler formulation.

There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Everybody wants to be healthy. Lean, strong, free from illness, able to enjoy life to its fullest. Unfortunately, very few people are actually ready to make the changes that bring about a state of wellness. So there exists this vast middle of people who want to be healthier but are unwilling to do much to gain that health.

An entire set of industries has sprung up to cater to this group, who I call "Health-Potatoes". They aren't concerned enough about the state of their body to make a lifestyle change, but they are concerned enough to hand over some cash in exchange for a machine or treatment that promises to make them better with minimum effort on their part.

There's a spectrum of gadgets and services for the health potato, ranging from outright bogus therapies to scientifically proven products that still don't do much for your health. People buy these things hoping to look and feel better, don't see many results, and after a few disappointed weeks repeat the cycle with the next big thing.

Let's look at an example. Massage.

There are little massage places all over the city I live in. The rate is usually about 30 dollars for half an hour, 60 dollars for an hour, etc... These are just your run of the mill kind of massages, shoulders, back, leg, and foot massage, not sports therapy or the other kind of massage.

These places are pitched at the hardworking office types that pack the trains every morning and evening. Had a tough day at the office? Stop by the massage place for a shoulder rub on the way home.

Now, I'll be the first to tell you, massages feel good. And after a skilled shoulder and neck rub, you feel lighter, your stress levels are down, and it seems like money well spent.

Massage opens up the muscle fibers, works out the knots, and removes pent up tension you hold in your body... for about 2 hours. After that, your habitual patterns will reassert themselves. Tension will seep back in, knots will retangle, and you'll be back at the massage place the next week looking for that same relief.

If you go to a massage looking to release tension in your shoulders, then why not take some positive actions to address the fundamental reason you have tense shoulders in the first place? Too much sitting, shallow breathing, weak back muscles, a lack of exercise, and unawareness of how you're carrying yourself throughout the day. A habit of deep diaphramatic breath will do more to drain tension from the shoulders than having a live in masseuse. All for the price of 0 dollars a breath.

But that sounds like work, doesn't it?

Here's the meaning of "no free lunch". If you want to effect a real change in your body, you're going to have to use your body. Things that approach from the outside will never have lasting effects. You can only change from the inside out. Another way to think of it is that your muscle and bone will never get more healthy through the work of another person's muscle and bone. Be that person your chiropractor, acupuncturist, or a factory worker in China making the latest gadget to get you in shape. Only your muscle and bone can truly change itself.

My friend who bought the electric chair spent 2600 dollars on it. At my yoga studio that would buy you 128 classes. I'd love to find a pair of twins, put one in the electric chair for two years, and send the other to yoga classes for two years, and see who was healthier, with better circulation and less pain at the end of it. I think you know instinctively who'd come out on top.

Look around you. Hopefully you know someone who's pretty healthy and fit. You'll notice that they don't drink diet soda or slimming drinks. Their house isn't full of late night TV fitness gadgets like the vibro-shape that promise results with no effort.
They won't have a weird diet plan that comes from the latest nutrition fad. The investment they make in their bodies is that of time, not cash. In fact, they won't spend much money on being fit at all. They'll do crazy free things like jog, jumprope, swim, push-ups and pull-ups.

(I realize that the way things are going it's entirely likely that you don't know anyone who's really healthy in this way. If that's the case, then know that you're reading the words of someone like that right now)

So stop giving your money to these people and invest in your greatest asset, YOU!

Either forget about getting fit, or go for it and get on top of your health goals the only real way, by changing your lifestyle, your diet, and exercising.

Because I'd much rather hang out with a committed slob, eating some chips and playing video games, than listen to a Health-Potato rattle on about how they're really going to get healthy this time.